December 2011
3 posts
November 2011
2 posts
the first and last time i'll ever mention demi...
sooo, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. First off, “Ashton Kutcher?” Really? It’s Kelso. His name is Kelso and no number of twitter followers is ever going to convince me that he’s earned the right to be called anything else. He’s apparently getting his sad, Idaho pickle sucked in every state (and he’s Kelso), and yet I’m now supposed to believe this...
oink oink.
Doing a degree in “culture” means that at least 50% of what you’ll be surrounded by can be defined by the term “geek culture,” usually prefaced by “feminist insights into…” I’ve heard over and over about how this subculture is some kind of haven, some kind of happy place for womenfolk to exist/define themselves outside of major normative...
May 2011
3 posts
the worst part of oversharing is when yo’ ass don’t get shared about…
well, there’s no one more experienced than me at judging episodes of teen mom. seriously. no, seriously. oh mah fuck.
i am probably paranoid. or i can predict the future and you should call me now for your free psychic reading.
it’s also international no diet day. i hope it turns out to be a good one.
March 2011
10 posts
that was scary. i can’t do the idea of me thing again.
ben foster “weasel” is a dirtbag. a practicing roman catholic, apparently (you make your own conclusions about whether or not this has anything to do with his view of women. i’m not saying anything. there are many catholics who haven’t inherited their faith’s fucked up views of women and their rights. who knows if mr. benjamin is one of them). what is it with aging...
i have far too many ‘feelings’ about time life infomericals.
i could rant all day, as you all well know, about how this neil sedaka teen years bullshit is a painful, pasty excuse for a late 50s/early60s rock and roll compillation and how insufferably cruel it is that it’s probably tested better than my dear, lost American Graffiti set, i could rant about how it’ll never...
honesty is an interesting concept. robs you of being able to say “why the fuck’d you open your fool mouth” without getting into trouble later on. interesting, indeed.
this is going to sound wicked stupid, but sometimes you realize people are showing completely committed, sincere expressions or acts of support/love/compassion/belief/faith (no, not the religious kind. c’mon now. i’m trying to be mushy, here. as little mouse girl says, don’t spoil it) and it’s really cool.to watch it happen. good people walk the planet. i love shitty people...
Dear Mila Kunis,
I know you’re pretty, so the world doesn’t ask you to use that mushy grey thing between your ears all that much, but please… before you open your irresponsible fucking mouth, think. think about what you’re saying.
from digitalspy:
“The actress - who shrunk down to 95lbs for her role as a ballet dancer in the film - revealed that she was in...
fat people. and glee. once again, please to deal...
http://jezebel.com/#!5780618/sex-fat-girls—glee
i know, i know. we can’t all stomach Glee and it, like everything that makes people listen to journey, probably shouldn’t be encouraged. but, i’m addicted. i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t. now, let’s all remember that addiciton isn’t necessarily pleasant or welcome. you get clean, get on the wagon...
if you don't like fat people, don't read me.
marquita pring is a “plus-sized” model with a big fat brain. click here to read some common sense: http://ca.jezebel.com/5776278/model-marquita-pring-hopes-to-do-away-with-term-plus+size
pathetic, though, that anyone thinks comparing the situation of shorter models - women under the modelling standard height of 5’9” - is even remotely appropriate. if you can rationalize...
this week is weird. i don’t like it.
i can’t in good conscience follow any tumblr account that posts photos of dallas green in american apparel briefs. it just isn’t something my eyes can handle, let alone is it something i want associated with my fat people politics. gross.
February 2011
4 posts
nipples or no nipples.
no birthday cake unless you guess correctly.
as in, this is a fish: niiples or no nipples?
and this is a greyhound: nipples or no nipples?
this is a honeydew melon
this is ben stiller
etc.
your challenge: find mammals with no nipples.
so Sam Cooke’s widow and his daughter married his backing guitarist and his brother, respectively. that’s weird as hell, right? now let’s put that weirdness in context. his daughter - formerly Linda Cooke/Womack, now Zeriiya Zekkariyas - and her husband, along with their 9 kids, live in Africa in something they call the Zekkariyas Kingdom of Enlightenment. Dig the awesome...
January 2011
8 posts
dear total strangers on tumblr,
i hope you’re all aware you’re following someone with the intentions of getting birthday drunk and then probably talking to complete strangers with stable, business casual workwear jobs in advertising about taxidermy or Teen Mom tomorrow night. and it’s not even my birthday. highfives.
today was one of those days where this planet was really, really tiny. weird, weird, weird surprises all around, none of them particularly significant in the long run, but fun/disturbing/confusing for a minute or two.
also, the doctor at the walk-in (hello, third time at the walk-in. when the fack does my actual doctor work? and why doesn’t she have an answering machine?) looked at my...
e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!
so i’m watching tv. whatever this shitty show is that’s on after fraiser. whatever it is (it has a wayans brother. i’m 100% sure it isn’t good), i just let it buzz cause i’m not really paying attention. i start to hear these lurching undead invasion noises and figure it’s just the tv, acting fucked. it’s fox. they just tested their “emergency...
you know what sucks?
inadvertently being told exactly where you fit in with someone. classy.
also classy, craig owens having a “sex tape” that gets turned into a “promotional video (avec artificial tits)” and a “discussion” that essentially amounts to “pay attention to me although i have no useful music to share with you, but you should know that by...
“but now she’s back – and in the mood for anal” is never, ever the kind of thing you want to read about someone you’ve slept with, is it? i’m a terrible human for laughing at that, but oh man. bad life decisions that aren’t mine are great, sometimes.
December 2010
19 posts
as an act of bitchy solidarity, i would like you all to join me tomorrow night in a nacho count. keep a little prison-style tally of how many nachos you eat at your new years parties. then, ask around if anyone has a problem with the number. then, tell them to suck it. thanks.
okay. i said i wasn’t going to bring this up again, but:
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/54650620.html#comments
you may be skinny, but you still can’t spell.
dear conan,
when the dude from vice guide to life gives you a guitar played by a band who’ve been bombed and shot at for expressing themselves ‘inappropriately’ in the middle east (i couldn’t figure out if it was in afghanistan or iraq), who explicitly wanted you to have it. don’t say you’re going to fix it up to play it. it makes it sound like you’re...
“she looks like she eats glue.” - nick from bayside on taylor swift, via twitter.
that’s exactly it.
blah blah blah rant nicknames serial killers blah...
so… henry rollins produced a chuckie manson album in the 80s… out of fascination, people want to hear his music. hell, i want to hear it. we want to know what comes out of the brains of people who are a) markedly different from us, and for reasons that are nearly impossible to scientifically explain and b) famous as shit for pulling off sick/weird/drastic things. there’s an...
saw my chemical romance. withheld urge to weep. ray toro is an underrated sexy beast. more old shit = more weeping. can it be april now?
i didn’t know you could milk a cat!
oh yeah! you can milk anything with nipples.
i have nipples, greg. could you milk me?
they need to stop playing ads for the meet the parents movies. it needs to stop. the milking is driving me mad.
carnies. but not like the ones that want me to...
carnie wilson is usually really (really) fucking annoying. for some reason (“some reason” being code for launching her own cheesecake company), she decided to be kinda cool and answer the “HAAAY CARNIE, YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW FAT YOU ARE?” question with: “i’m fat as fuck. what can i say?” woman’s spent enough time encouraging and answering really...
ella, ella ella, eh eh
soooo bluberella. i knew of its existing, and of ontd being all “that’s rude, amirite” or something…
watched the trailer. seems full of subversive fat chick in tight outfit eating everything action. or it could just be 2 hours of “fat people eating and fucking is scary.” the fact that they aren’t using gwenyth paltrow in a fatsuit gives me hope that...
i’ve probably whined about this before, but really… amy adams playing janis joplin. really. she was just on jimmy fallon (damn you, advertising showing up on craig and jimmy kimmel at the same time. damn you), doing - what else - christmas song karaoke. and yes, jimmy sang. and yes, we were all surprised and awed by his vocal talent. all chipper and wee and gushing sunshine from every...
fat people and rob ford. separately. woah.
so rob ford’s mayor and don cherry’s all talking like he’s trying to take over the newsletter at del boca vista about it. that meeting looked like a saturday afteroon klan meeting at the legion. i have no doubt that’s basically exactly what it sounded like, too. best to pick battles with this one. get angry where/when it matters. i only have so much time to have tiny...
TABARNAK. that is all.
oh mercy, that word is fun to type.
it’s nice to have reasons to love my deeply, deeply stupid country sometimes.
(i don’t miss america. not at all. NOT AT ALL).
(i think this one is spelled wrong, too… even better. go, grade 10 frOnch)
p.s. this probably distorts your tumblr window. oh well. who wants to teach me proper html and thinks i’ll actually use it while...
i miss you, america. i even miss death bed, the bed that eats people.
November 2010
16 posts
